I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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