shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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