Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
