i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
only you would photoshop your dick
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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