I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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