12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
