she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
