I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
