I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
