I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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