Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is wine microwaveable?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
there is puke in my bra ... again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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