i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
