when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
