So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
