Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
