idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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