He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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