If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
tell me about the eggs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
