I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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