Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
