I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
