and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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