know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
