Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
