This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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