Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
