u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
