My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
