Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
