she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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