She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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