Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
