just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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