Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
