im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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