Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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