Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
