Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
