someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Less talking, more tequila
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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