Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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