1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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