i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
