im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
