Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
