is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
