You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
