so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
