Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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