Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
