my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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