Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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