I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize