is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
