I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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