god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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