even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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