She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
