therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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