definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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