Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
