I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
