your thong is hanging out like whoa
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
