HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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