I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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