Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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