i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
